Dear Baby Girl,
Hi sweetheart. Its your Mom. We haven’t officially met yet, but we wanted to tell you how much you mean to me and your daddy already. You were supposed to show up 2 days ago and we have been anxiously awaiting your arrival, but it seems as though you want to stay as close to me as possible for a couple more days. Understandable, given what we have been through over the last 10 months.
Your dad and I were ready to try to have kids, hearing all of the horror stories of how long it took for so many other couples to get pregnant but you just couldn’t wait to make your entrance into the world and after the first try, you were conceived and were planning on making an entrance into the world a couple days after the New Year of 2016. I found out I was pregnant the same day I found out I won an award for graphic & web design, which made me wonder how I was going to juggle all of the new work coming my way plus get through my first pregnancy plus just moving to a new state with your dad. Our lives were changing and everything was new but we didn’t know how interesting our lives were going to get once your little heart beat popped up on that ultrasound screen.
The first 3 months of your life with me, were tough to say the least. I lost weight, cried for hours on end, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t work. I was sick every day and thought I would never get through it. I questioned if I would ever get better and worried about you every day, thinking that my stress was putting stress on you and keeping you from being a healthy little baby. Once the first 3 months past though, I started to feel better. I was eating again and finally enjoying the perks of being pregnant with you, from eating delicious food, even though I couldn’t even LOOK at Mexican food, Mommy’s favorite, to picking out things for your nursery and trying to figure out baby names. I thought things would stay stress-free and I could relax and let you grow into a healthy happy baby but we weren’t at all prepared to deal with what was about to happen.
The house we were living in during the first 6 months of your little life was infested with all sorts of creatures that you will learn about during your time here on Earth. From flies to spiders to ants to mice, we thought we were going through the Biblical Plagues and after many months of stress, sleepless nights, cleaning from top to bottom every day and losing 80% of our belongings, we finally had enough. At 7 months pregnant, your dad, the dog and I moved into a hotel and stayed there for almost a week, looking for a place to live while we ate out of to-go containers and lived out of our suitcases, until we finally found a place we could move into within 2 days of finding it. We moved in with the help of daddy’s coworkers and a lot of help from both sets of grandparents. I was finally in a good place that made me feel relaxed and stress-free and not have to worry about things that were out of my control.
You are now 10 months and 2 days old, and we are anxiously waiting for you to show up. During the past 10 months, it has been difficult to really concentrate on you with so many things going on from moving to a new state, to work picking up, to being forced to move again due to things out of our control and basically starting over from scratch. I was supposed to worry about your arrival and how I was going to handle being a new mom. Instead, I was focused and worried about everything else but that. Now, with only a couple days away from your arrival, I am scared. I wasn’t scared or nervous at first, because I wasn’t able to really focus on what was going to happen and how different our lives would be with you in the world but now that I am truly focused on your arrival and all of the outside stresses are gone, I am terrified.
I am worried I won’t be a good mom to you. I am worried I am literally going to break you in half, seeing how newborns are so small and fragile. I am afraid I am going to change your diaper wrong, or give you a too cold of a bath. I am afraid of how I am going to handle being a business owner and a first time mom. I am afraid that one day you will be my best friend and then hate me. I am afraid that one day you will leave me after being all grown up. Even though we haven’t officially met yet, I am afraid of losing you already.
Even though I am afraid of all of these things, I will promise you this. Daddy and I will love you always. We will love you to the moon and back and that will never change. We will always support you in every decision that you make, even though it might be the wrong decision at the time. We know you will be difficult at times, especially during your teenage years because Daddy and I were stubborn and head strong during our teens, and we wouldn’t expect any less from you. Just know that what ever happens, from age 1 to age 50, we will be there, God willing, through thick and thin.
We cannot wait to meet you and watch you learn, grow and experience life with us. There hasn’t been a dull moment since the day your soul decided to enter into this world but that doesn’t surprise me. You are our daughter after all.
We love you so much already and we wait patiently for you to arrive. Love you Baby Girl.